Against all odds
by Alwaysbeyourself
Summary: Etain thinks of Darman. Songfic. Please R&R, I liked it, you too?
1. Against all odds

**_Against all odds_**

This is my third songfic and I hope it is way better than the others. It is my first one in english, so excuse me for my mistakes. Just tell me!

Plot: Etain is thinking of Darman and wating for him a_gainst all odds_. Plays shortly after the second book of "Republic Commando"

Disclaimer: I own nothing of this. Maybe the balcony of Etain, but I think the way it belongs to Coruscant it belongs to Lucas, too. I don't get money for this!

Pairing: Etain/Darman

Raiting: I don't care how old you are, but you need to have some experiences to understand it.

The song is from Phil Collins.

* * *

Etain stood at the balustrade of her balcony and watched the busy goings of Coruscant. Nothing seemed worth looking at, but Etain needed something she could pay attention on to forget other things.

_How can I just let you walk away  
Just let you leave without a trace  
When I stand here taking every breath with you  
You're the only one who really knew me at all _

She missed him. More than anything.

Three weeks before she had lost her baby, the only thing that reminded her of him. The only thing that remained of him. Of their love and passion. Of their understanding.

_How can you just walk away from me  
When all I can do is watch you leave  
'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain  
And even shared the tears  
You're the only one who really knew me at all _

He even didn't say goodbye. It was like a dark emptiness without him. The war was at its climax and Etain wished nothing more than to participate and die.

She knew Darman would die, too. He was just one unimportant soldier, one clone of millions. He was exchangeable.

_So take a look at me now  
There's just an empty space  
There's nothing left here to remind me  
Just the memory of your face _

But in her heart he was the only one. He was the soldier of her heart and never exchangeable. He was unique.

_Take a good look at me now  
There's just an empty space _

Etain laid her hands on her stomach. Where his future should have been was emptiness. She had only her mind to remember. Just memories.

_And you coming back to me  
Is against all the odds  
And that's what I got to take _

She covered her face in her hands and cried. He would never come back. She wished so much to see him. If she turned on the news she could see one of them. One who looked like Darman but was so different. So different.

_I wish I could just make you turn around  
Turn around and see me cry _

"Darman…!" she cried into the air and hoped he would hear it. If he was still alive. With his team he was safer, but as a RC he had to work alone sometimes.

Then nobody would care if he dies.

_There's so much I need to say to you  
So many reasons why  
You're the only one  
Who really knew me at all _

She remembered their last night. He said he would take care and come back.

But he was a soldier and a clone of the republic. He wasn't made to have a family. He was made to die.

_So take a look at me now  
There's just an empty space  
There's nothing left here to remind me  
Just the memory of your face__  
_

Maybe they met in another life. Maybe they were mend to meet again. Maybe everything would change and maybe Etain could stop hoping. One day…

_But to wait for you is all I can do  
And that's what I've got to face  
Take a good look at me now  
'Cause I'll still be standing there  
_

_

* * *

_Tell me if you cried... I did... 


	2. Wannabe Sequel

I know it is not a very good idea, but I had some thoughts about this story. And as I could see, you liked it, too.

A few minutes ago I read a very good story coughsCloneTrooper about feeling alone. So I needed to write something about it, too. Forgive me, if it hasn't the same quality as the first one.

This is some kind of sequel to _Against all odds _as a one-shot. This is no longer a Songfic.

Sorry for every mistake I did.

* * *

The temple was nearly empty. All the Jedi had to fight, had to die. Somehow Etain felt she didn't belong here any longer, but she had to try. It was her only chance. 

Silently she went quickly through the halls. One of the masters had to be there.

"Is that you, Etain?" said a soft but sad voice.

Etain turned around to see who was addressing her. It was a young girl she knew from the training. She looked a lot older now, and Etain noticed she forgot her name. In earlier times she had thought names where not important. But after her experiences with the RCs she knew, a name could be your soul. She felt very ashamed for forgetting the girl's name.

"Yes, it is me." She just replied without knowing what else to say. She didn't have for chattering. _This girl's nearly a Jedi, she really wouldn't like to chatter. _

"I heard you were expelled, or however they liked to call it."

Etain was shocked. So they knew. The Order knew.

"I left on my own. I never talked to a master about that." She tried to defend herself. The girl seemed unimpressed and nodded smilingly.

"So how's your baby? Does it look like a clone? Like Jango Fett?"

Something in the girl's voice made Etain to overhear the questions. It was none of her businesses to know these things.

"Where is your master? Don't you have any training to do? Why aren't you on a mission?" she questioned.

The girl smiled brightly.

"There is no one in charge of me. I can do what I want. And it is a lot of fun listening to the holo-conversations from the library. So I know about the stuff that's going on outside. And not everything is about war. See your case."

She seemed innocent, thought Etain.

"Listen, is there a master in here? Someone from the council I can talk to?"

The girl nodded.

"Just the door down there."

_I know where the council meets,_ thought Etain angrily and left the girl doing her things.

She felt her heart beat as she knocked on the door and heard a soft "Entry, please".

She stepped in and felt she broke out in a sweat. On a little chair sat Yoda. The last one she wanted to talk to.

"Hello young Tur-Mukan. What circumstances you lead here?"

"Master Yoda." Etain bowed.

"Down just sit here."

Etain did so.

"Left you did the Order. Not wisely following his feelings just because of a man."

Etain knew he was angry. He never talked about mistakes or stupidity. Most of the times he praised to follow your feelings but not with such a clear reason.

"I am so sorry. I didn't know what to do."

She would never betray Skirata or the ones who helped her.

"Not it was your plan to leave the planet. But in charge who was is dead. And dead your problem is."

Was it in her face? Was it in the lines of her tears that came again? Or did Yoda know more that he said? Did anybody tell him?

"Have you ever loved?" she dared to ask.

Yoda smiled. "The essence of being Jedi Love is. Many times I loved, and many times I have been betrayed. Nothing wrong there is in loving, but in loosing your way!"

Suddenly Etain knew he wouldn't understand. For him the clones were just an army full of exchangeable men.

"I love Darman." she simply said.

"And to be a Jedi you still want." answered Yoda. Etain nodded.

"There is a way I can work with him again. If I'm not with him I feel wrong, you know? It would be more useful to me to work with him, not just have a happy life as a loving couple. I don't mean to be with him because I love him, just because I need to look after them, after him and his brothers. They need a leader who knows everyone is unique."

Yoda said nothing. He had closed his eyes, so Etain went on.

"Everyone thinks they are just toys, like the droids, which can be put on a battlefield and be killed and exchanged. But they are not. They have _names_ and _souls_!"

"Return to battle you can't." Yoda broke her monologue.

Etain just looked at him with a shocked expression.

"Leading them you can't when favouring one. Caring you can't when cared one is more. And fighting you can't when feel responsible you do for someone else who is in your heart."

Etain could response. She felt as if he pulled the rug out from under her. She couldn't die in battle. Not together with Darman.

"What can I do then?"

"No way there is being with him, that you know already. Giving him a future no way there is, a fact which also you experienced. Clear it seems the force unhappy with your connection is."

"The force is _unhappy_?" Etain replied.

Yoda nodded satisfied.

"So I should forget my love, or die in agony?" Etain couldn't stop the sarcasm.

Again Yoda nodded.

"But working as a helping hand you can in the temple if it help you. And together with the others forgetting you will."

Now Etain nodded, but lame. She knew she could never forget her love. But being in the temple would be like healing her soul a bit.

She stood up and left the room.

So she was alone again, misunderstood and misbehaving.

Nothing changed. And she still missed Darman.

Suddenly the Data pad she was always carrying around with her made a sound.

She opened the incoming file and looked down at a holo-picture of Omega Squad. Her heart stopped beating for a second, the beat even more powerful. They all smiled, Fi waved his hand, Niner weighed his weapon, Atin looked down shyly but smiled friendly, and Darman just looked with his eyes full of love. He didn't smile or moved or anything, just looked at her as if he knew she needed him this second.

She knew she could never send anything back. She could never show it to anyone. But she could store it in her heart and feed with it the hope that Darman would pick her up someday. Maybe soon…


	3. Another sequel

Hi there! Here I am again with a new sequel of the Songfic I never wanted to write on. But I listened to "Against the odds" one more time and felt like writing more about the sadness in Etain and her love. Unfortunately I've read the third book by Traviss' and know now that Etain gets a healthy son. But this is my story, and I can't change my course now. I hope you all know that this is fiction slaponforehad – we are on a webside for fanfiction!

here's my sequel. Please tell me if I made mistakes in grammar…

* * *

„_Why are you crying, girl__?"_

„_I lost our baby."_

„_We had a baby?"_

„_Yes, Dar. I'm so sorry."_

"_No, I'm sorry. I should have noticed."_

"_You couldn't. Let's not talk about this anymore."_

"_Ok. But you know I love you?"_

"_I do. And I love you too."_

Etain woke up, sweating. She looked around and saw that she still was in the ship that brought her to Mandalore. It was only a dream. He didn't knew.

She was going to see Dar in a few hours.

What would he look like?

Fi – nice, lovely Fi – had phoned her. Dar was hurt, badly hurt. He hadn't been able to make enough space between him and an exploding detonator. Now he lost parts of his leg and couldn't hear probably. And he slept the whole day.

Etain stood up and went to the bathroom. As she looked into the mirror, she didn't saw the little Padawan anymore. Besides, she was a Jedi now. But she was also a mother. Of a dead baby.

Her eyes filled with tears again and she sat down on a toilette. Why was it always her? Why couldn't she be happy with a child, when already be treated so badly with a boyfriend being an anonymous soldier?

Life was not fair.

She remembered her talk with Master Yoda. _Clear it seems the force unhappy with your connection is. _What if that was true? What, if she shouldn't stay with Darman?

---

Seven hours of hard thinking and crying and deciding and crying again later the ship landed on Mandalore. A friend of Skirata would bring her to the hidden place, where Darman was waiting.

He knew she came. They talked a few words an hour ago.

"_Where are you?", he asked._

"_Not far away from you anymore." , she replied with an inner fight not to cry already. She would do that long enough._

"_So you are coming to visit me?"_

"_Yes. Just stay where you are", she tried to joke._

_But he stayed sad with a soft voice._

"_Cyar'ika, I need to rest now. But I long to see you soon. I love you."_

"_Me too! Love you!"_

_Then they broke up. And Etain started to cry._

She entered a large entrance hall, very unusual for Mandalore, but as it seemed it was their only heaven to space.

Skirata had told her the guy waiting for her would wear his armor. She looked around and saw a trooper in his regular black armor. She reached out with the force. It was Fi.

"Hey Lady. May I spend you a drink? You look much too lonely for me to leave you here alone!", he welcomed her.

Etain laughed warmly. She missed Fi, and though he noticed her loneliness she sad nothing and just hugged him tightly. He smelled so different from Darman. Fi always used a huge amount of soap – who knows why – and so he always smelled like a fresh cleaned room. Darman had a smell of comfort. He used a different soap for shaving than his brothers (Etain told him once she reacted allergic on the usual trooper soap) and thus he had a smell more manlike and somehow deeper.

So many thoughts came into Etain's mind when hugging Fi, and she quickly turned away again.

Fi overplayed it and just continued talking while they moved to a small ship.

"You need to tell me EVERYTHING! Were you allowed to sit on the window? Were the waitresses with much too short skirts? Oh, I love to travel! What dinner had been served? You surely travelled first class, did you? Next time, when Darman has enough of you, I come along with you!"

He paused for a moment, as though he had said something he didn't want to. Etain looked down, and Fi started the ship silently.

---

They flew nearly half an hour, but for Etain it lasted hours over hours. She missed Darman so badly, now that she was going to see him after nearly eight month.

"Fi?"

Not far away appeared a large house. Smoke rose from the chimney and it looked very warmly.

"Yes, Ad'ika?"

"Have you talked with Darman once? About me? Or have Atin and Niner?"

He sighed. "We didn't really talk about you, but about love and girlfriends. With Skirata. He said Darman is just lucky, and Atin shouldn't break up with Laseema."

"Is he very sad we can't see each other more often?"

"Yeah. He always looks upset, and I need to cheer him up." Fi chuckled.

"At least one of us can!" Etain said bitterly.

"Why are you asking this?" Fi wanted to know.

Now Etain sighed.

" You know, as we talked on the Comlink, he was so … cold. As if he didn't want to talk."

Fi put the ship down and opened the door to let Etain move outside. He suddenly was silent, and looked her in the eyes with so much sadness, that Etain didn't even need to feel it in the force.

"Etain, he loves you deeply. Us clones aren't made to love one girl after the other. Our lifespan makes us abiding to one person. Every clone I know which has a girlfriend attested that to me. I know not much about love, but that is a fact I know. And now Darman is torn apart between us and you. He chose us, and is far away from you. Too far away. He feels like he is betraying you while staying with us. You must understand his sadness. It hurts him much more to speak to you and not being able to touch you or tell you he would rather be with you than with us.

One thing you really need to understand is his loyalty to the republic – or in our case to Skirata – and that this loyalty suffers under his love to you. This is nothing bad, no way, his love helps him standing up again and again, but it hurts."

He turned away and started walking towards the building.

Etain couldn't follow him. Something in his speech had confirmed her earlier thoughts, that her relation to Darman wasn't something good.

She wondered if she should go to him now. Now that she knew he had chosen his job and not her.

* * *

Wow. This isn't over! Shall I write on? And do you have something to criticize? Or something you didn't understand? Something wrong with the grammar? Or everything allright? Just tell me pleaze! S.M.C. 


End file.
